⚠️ A rare sighting
Steven in the wild
A rare male specimen — spotted in his final days of freedom, moments before capture (marriage 💍). Approach with caution. Feed bananas. Do not startle the groom.
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🍌 Diet: bananas
🔪 Armed & single
💍 Status: endangered
the beast, undisturbed 🌴
The Field Itinerary
3 days 🌴🧖
De-Fur
a.k.a. the spa
Specimen is groomed, steamed and returned to factory settings. Entirely private.
🛥️
Migration
a.k.a. the yacht
Open-water expedition. DJ aboard. Natural predators kept at bay with champagne.
🕺
Mating Dance
a.k.a. the party
Observe the ritual up close. Table right by the DJ. Do not attempt to imitate.
🎤
Group Howling
a.k.a. the concert
The pack gathers and screams in unison. Earplugs optional. Voices gone by dawn.
Caught on Tape
unedited 🎬
Expedition leader 🧭
Christopher Wangen ✔
@christopher.wangen · 243K · Steven's brother
Join the expedition
Leave your name & a way to reach you. Bananas provided. 🍌
📍 Coordinates dropped on your official invite · by invitation only